Helping kids (and parents!) adjust to life at home
Parents are struggling during this pandemic! With school closures, police brutality, wild fires, election stress, financial strain, existential worries about death of ourselves and loved ones. The world is asking a lot of our children right now - how can we help them back at home full time? I did an interview with Fox5 DC News, about how to help children who are isolated from most of their peers, at a developmental period where peers are crucial to their growth.
Not sure about you, but I’m emotionally spent, have little tolerance for nonsense, and crave my yoga class, the freedom of popping into the grocery store (even if I forgot a mask!) to get eggs, and mostly, giving hugs to friends.
One of the best things we can do right now to take care of our kids is to take care of ourselves. This year has been extremely hard-hitting for parents. We’re placed in an unprecedented situation, and we know that children are sponges to parents’ emotions. Multiple studies - University of Oregon, Harvard, University of Southern California, Vanderbilt showed that parents are struggling - from 30-63% of surveyed parents. Stress in families can be contagious.
So when we think of ways we can help our kids, we should also be asking how we can help ourselves.
Manage realistic expectations
Think about what kind of self-care and coping is realistic for you and your child now - not what you would have done 6 months ago because we can’t do those things. Your child can’t go to birthday parties, but maybe they can make a birthday present - a card, a video, a cool gift. We can’t easily go to an indoor yoga class, or visit a friend for a hug. So maybe it’s a 5 minute yoga video, and a quick text to a friend. This also goes for work. Prioritize 1-2 things that need to get done every day. The rest is a bonus. Working 8 hours isn’t necessarily productive, especially for parents w kids at home.
Move our bodies
Ideally outside with fresh air. If your kids are bored -make them go outside and be bored. They’ll find something to do. When your kids are doing remote learning, or you’re working at home, notice when you’re slouching and move around. notice if you’re clenching your teeth out of stress and relax your jaw. Exercise is important as it can increase brain matter in the hippocampus, the area of the brain involved in learning and memory.
Connect with your kids
When kids feel connected, they’ll learn better and do better. What matters more than what your child learns in school right now is that your child feels seen and supported. Focus on repair more than getting it right the first time. If you’re annoyed with them and show it, that’s okay. Just focus on the repair. And remember, while kids are stressful to parents, they’re also a source of comfort at times. Esp the younger kids w the cuddles.
Strengthen boundaries
Includes keeping somewhat of a schedule for the kids - for older kids, you can set a checklist of things they can do to occupy themselves. Keep your roles separate - when you’re working - work. When you’re not, don’t. Set up the house to help w this - make an activity corner for the kids, decorate their school area at home, make a snack/drink corner so they don’t need to interrupt you. It helps them when you’re clear about your boundaries.
Seek help.
If you’re concerned about your child, talk to someone. If you’ve always been proud and are used to doing things on your own - try to ease up on that. So many people are struggling, but also, so many people want to help. Give loved ones and friends the opportunity to feel good about themselves by letting them do something for you. Ask a friend to make that dinner they’re good at making. If neighbors ask how they can help - take them up on it. Therapy isn’t accessible to everyone for various reasons, so try an app on your phone. But if you or your child is really struggling, then call a mental health professional or your doctor.
Feel free to check out other ways to help children during tough times, or how to support our own mental health, and follow me on Instagram, Facebook, or Twitter to join a conversation. New on these, so please reach out!